Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts

Sunday, 8 November 2015

Когда хлеб привезут? В понедельник. Сегодня суббота...

Есть у меня маленькая отдушина в моём непростом деле материнства - по утрам (это всё, конечно, с разрешения Малыша) - смотрю документалистику ВГТРК "Россия Культура". Там есть цикл передач, который мне очень нравится: "Письма из провинции". Дело в том, что я та еще деревенщина - с двух лет меня мама отвозила с мая по сентябрь на попечение бабушки в глухие места Вологодской области. 


Я так её люблю с тех пор, мою Вологодчину. И север русский люблю. И Василия Белова, Александра Яшина, Николая Рубцова, Федора Абрамова-моего земляка, Виктора Астафьева, Сергея Личутина, Бориса Можаева, Валентина Распутина, в общем, долго тут можно перечислять Люблю. Скучаю. Томлюсь. 

фото

Перед самой судьбоносной встречей с супругом моим даже была у меня мысль переехать в деревню, пойти работать учительницей.  А что, подъёмные давали неплохие - телега дров, телёнок на выкорм, или поросёнок молочный или курей, никакого насилия, всё по желанию, конечно. До сих пор думаю, если что, на пенсии в Сибирь, в Томск махну! Домик куплю, свеклы насажаю. Вот вы смеётесь, а где оно счастье? В чем оно?


Так вот, вы знаете, кто такие вепсы? 
В цикле "Письма из провинции" есть передача "Деревня Пондала". Она расположена в Бабаевском районе Вологодской области: "Сюда не идут поезда, и даже на автомобиле добраться до вологодских вепсов довольно сложно. Некоторых деревень нет ни на одной карте. Ощущение, что попадаешь в другую страну. Ведь здесь все говорят только на вепсском языке: 


"Leibän konz homen todas? Ezmärgen. Tämbei sobat. Leibäd todas ezmärgen"

("Когда хлеб привезут? В понедельник. Сегодня суббота. Хлеб привезут в понедельник")"

 

Пондала – одна из самых маленьких деревень этого края. Здесь проживает всего 36 человек. В основном, это люди старшего поколения. "Молодые приехали бы и переехали бы. 40-45 лет, в таком возрасте они приехали бы. Даже жильё тут есть, рабочих мест тут нет", - говорит житель деревни Пондала Вера Феклина.


Такая же ситуация и в соседних сёлах. Общее количество жителей Вепсского национального поселения – чуть более тысячи двухсот человек. Около 300 из них уже поменяли деревенскую глубинку на город. Причина та же: нехватка рабочих мест, низкий доход. "Голод, как говорится, ощущается, иной раз с трудом можно найти и продавца, с трудом можно найти в котельную кого-то. Дело в том, что зарплата отличается у нас здесь от городской. Если на железной дороге зарплата помощника машиниста от 30 до 50 тысяч, машиниста от 50 до 70, у нас здесь в сельском хозяйстве вообще, например, тысяч пять. И они не вовремя получают зарплату", - сетует глава Вепсского национального поселения Лариса Иванова.

В деревне Пондала всего семь рабочих мест. Кроме магазина, здесь есть деревенский клуб, музей вепсской культуры, медицинский пункт. Почтовое отделение работает прямо на дому. Почтальон и специалист по обслуживанию в одном лице, Галина Прохорова знает, что больше всего беспокоит односельчан: "Люди просят сотовую связь. Им нужна сотовая связь. Потому, что не у всех есть телефоны такие, стационарные. У всех дети, родственники в городе, с сотовой связью можно было бы общаться, она, действительно, нужна".

Отдалённость от города, плохие дороги, отсутствие сотовой связи и Интернета. Оказывается, во всём этом можно найти и положительные моменты. Как известно, благодаря именно такому образу жизни вологодские вепсы сохранили по сей день самобытную культуру и свой родной язык. источник

И вот сижу я, смотрю на бабушек, которые в деревне остались, на камеру про трудодни и украденные колоски рассказывают, и думаю, скоро ведь и их не будет. И нашей деревни, детства моего почти уже нет. И пропадет, исчезнет с лица земли еще одна из тысяч подобных. Ещё одна маленькая народность. И язык их, прекрасный, загадочный язык исчезнет... 


Наверное, так всегда люди жили, забывали прошлое. Смотрели только вперед. Да?


Copyright © 2015 by Olga Johannesson 

Почетная профессия

В субботу в нашей большой исландской семье свадьба - женится последыш, мамин мальчик, красавец и умниц, архитектор и пианист, в общем, плачьте невинные, шансов больше нет, фата не пригодится. Но я не об этом, а о насущном, женском, ежемесячном и вечном - о парихмахерской. 

на фото: жизнерадостность парихмахера - наше всё!
В России у меня была Оксана - красавица, которая за полчаса превращала разрозненность на моей голове в виде волос разного типа и цвета в прекрасную прекрасность, с приобретением чего хотелось жить, петь и даже тайно в ванной танцевать.

Но с переездом в одну маленькую, но гордую страну, наша тесная ежемесячная связь с кудесницей филировочного искусства прервалась: по понятным причинам нам пришлось расстаться - наши отношения не выдержали проверку расстоянием.

Много слез было пролито в подушку, много нервов мужниных было вымотано, прежде чем после очередной стрижки-покраски услышал он: "ну, да, ничо вроде" и не поверил своим собственным ушам. А я затаила истинные чувства, как и должно женщине хитрой, и решила для сохранения узов брака и мира во всем мире существенно занизить порог качества и собой довольства.

В Исландии и Дании (про другие страны не скажу, зуб даю только за это) на парикмахера учатся пять лет. ("Пять лет, ё-мое!" - каждый раз восклицает в отчаянии мой мозг после стрижки/окраски, в то время как лицевые мышцы под стальным контролем выдают зубастую улыбку "спасибо, как всегда... очень хорошо..."). Это же как full bachelor with masters on top. Как хорошая аспирантура с написанием кандидатской на двести десять страниц со списком литературы, приложением и красочными картинками.

И это еще не все! Потом у них наступает вроде как интернатура с ординатурой - работа пару лет в качестве ученика и еще пару как начинающий специалист под контролем более опытного. Если есть желание быть не просто парикмахером, а парикмахером-стилистом, то потребуется еще три года.

В парихмахерскую я хожу дважды, в сложных случаях, трижды за раз. Прийду домой, осмотрюсь - всегда, всегда, всегда справа длиннее, чем слева, а тон краски всегда отдает красным... Если не отливает красным, значит вообще не тот.
А уж когда голову вымою и падут все маски, и откроется вся правда, то бывает и четвертый раз не поленюсь, схожу. Они это знают, ждут меня, относятся с пониманием, видят, соглашаются, ах, да, как же так, да... и все равно "бац-бац-и-мимо".

В общем, резюмирую, учись - не учись, а парикмахер - это как художник - либо есть талант, либо в поле овец стричь. А что, тут, в Исландии, это тоже очень уважаемая и востребованная профессия.

Copyright © 2015 by Olga Johannesson 

Особенности национального характера

Нашей бабушке - моей свекрови - семьдесят лет. Больше всего в жизни она боится не дожить до свадьбы своего тринадцатого, младшего внука, моего сына, которому сейчас девять месяцев. 


Несколько лет назад, когда я училась в университете Исландии, нам дали задание описать известного человека. Больше половины красочно и с нарочитым уважением описали президента Исландии. Далее у мальчиков преобладали звезды спорта, у девочек искусства, один студент в подобострастии совершил затяжной прыжок и описал нашу преподавательницу. Я описала свою свекровь. Моих мотивов никто не понял и, кончено, не оценил, но мне было важно в тот момент рассказать о ней самой себе.

Сделала я это по нескольким причинам: во-первых у нее пять детей и тринадцать внуков, огромная семья, в которой все, абсолютно все, от мала до велика ее уважают, обожают и принимают такой, какая она есть. Для меня это самый главный показатель, идеальный абсолют, который может достичь человек, женщина, в жизни.

При всем этом свекровь моя далеко не идеальна ("и принимают такой, какая она есть", да). В десять секунд она может довести до белого каления любого взрослого флегматичного исландского мужчину в семье, в пять - ребенка до плача. В эти же десять секунд она может вернуть к жизни отчаявшегося, детский плач она останавливает на месте.

Она может разговаривать часами, при этом наличие собеседника ей совсем не обязательно. Когда она звонит мне по телефону, то от меня лишь требуется изредка подтверждать наличие сигнала путем значимого хмыкания в нужные интонационные промежутки. Разговор продолжается в среднем около часа, в редких случаях полчаса (это значит только то, что ей нужно срочно перезвонить кому-то по какой-то более важной причине).

Наш невозмутимый дед прожил с ней пятьдесят лет и сознательно оглох на правое ухо (он сидит за столом от нее по левую руку).

Она родилась в Изафьордуре, единственная дочь из четырех детей потомственного рыбака. В пятидесятые годы женщинам в Исландии было не принято получать высшее образование. Она же, вопреки воле матери, поступила в экономический колледж и нашла стажировку в государственном банке Landsbanki.

Но сыграл червовый туз - на одной вечеринке она встретила деда. Как она говорит, автобусы между их городками в то время ходили не каждый день. Через год родился их первый мальчик. Учеба и стажировка закончились, началась совсем другая жизнь, которая длится по сей день.

Она прожила всю жизнь на удаленной северной ферме, воспитывая детей, ухаживая за свекрами и собственными родителями (все они умерли у нее на руках), хотя, вполне понятно, мечтала о совсем другой жизни.

В предыдущем посте я писала, что сейчас она является директором музей текстиля Исландии, где кроме привычных экспозиций текстиля она регулярно проводит концерты, благотворительные мероприятия, приглашает известных певцов и музыкантов. Она очень талантлива: в молодости писала рассказы, стихи, рисовала, лепила из глины, плела макраме, вышивала картины: три дома на ферме украшены ее лучшими произведениями.

Сейчас много говорят о том, что Исландия является второй страной в мире по потреблению антидепрессантов. Статистика эта сарафанная, мною не проверенная, это то, что я много раз краем уха слышала по телевизору и читала в исландских блогах. Но прожив несколько лет в этой стране я склонна этому верить или хотя бы находить довольно логичное объяснение: зима тут длится десять месяцев и зима эта не "пушистые снежинки, росписи в окошке", а бесконечный сильный ледяной арктический ветер и дождь, который никогда, поверьте мне, никогда не идет перпендикулярно земле. Лето длится всего пару месяцев и температура, особенно на севере, редко поднимается выше 15 градусов по Цельсию. Чтобы выжить в таких условиях и сохранить любовь к жизни в такой социально изоляции на ферме необходимо быть... нашей бабушкой.

В этом плане она для меня образцовый экземпляр исландской женщины, сохранивший и приумноживший за многие годы набор своих ядерных характеристик. Ее мать до последнего своего дня не сидела без дела, напевая или разговаривая сама с собой (да, это свойственно женщинам в их роду), сохранила острый ум и природное жизнелюбие. Ее дочь, моя свекровь, - живое объяснение тому, почему сойдя на берег Исландии более тысячи лет назад, это племя не умерло за первый год, не сошло с ума и не перебило друг друга, за темные ледяные бесконечные зимы, а выжило, создало бесконечное множество всему миру известных саг, и до сих пор день за днем вопреки природе продолжает ход жизни, утверждая ее нехитрый смысл.

Copyright © 2015 by Olga Johannesson 

Исландия - фермерская страна

Исландия - фермерская страна. Страна сельского хозяйства. Это, может быть, звучит парадоксально для холодного климата Исландии, но это действительно так. Население страны 330.000 человек, из них примерно 220.00 живут в исландских "мегаполисах" - двух крупнейших городах - столице Рейкьявике и городе на севере, Акурейри. Оставшаяся часть - это фермеры, домики которых рассыпаны по всей Исландии. Фермерских хозяйств в Исландии около двух с половиной тысяч. 

на фото: заброшенная ферма на севере Исландии
Исландия отличается от большинства стран с развитым сельским хозяйством тем, что тут нет деревень, сёл, посёлков, того, что приходит на ум, когда мы говорим о сельско-хозяйственной стране. По всей стране рассыпаны фермерские хозяйства, попросту фермы. И территориально страна поделена не на районы и области, а на восемь регионов (landshlutar) и около семидесяти фермерских союзов (sveitarfélagar). Распределение ферм по фермерским союзам неравномерно: в одном фермерском союзе можете быть от двух до ста ферм.

Наиболее заселенный фермерский район на юге страны (очень даже понятно почему), потом на востоке и севере.

Фермы имеют долгую историю - многие из них фамильные и насчитывают более тысячи лет. Они были основаны при первом заселении Исландии.

Наша ферма на севере в регионе Хунавасисла. Это в северной части Исландии, между западными фьордами и регионом Миватн. Ферме нашей пятьсот лет, впервые она упоминается в летописях пятнадцатого века.

Не смотря на такую удаленность друг от друга социальная жизнь в провинции кипела, и новости еще в доинтернетную эру распространялись мгновенно - многие фермеры (я бы сказала фермерши) устанавливали на крышах домов подзорные трубы, не стеснялись использовать морские бинокли и так наблюдали за жизнью соседних ферм.

С появлением телефонной связи жизнь на фермах обрела новые краски и расцвела белым цветом. Телефонная линия была одна на двадцать-пятьдесят ферм, поэтому при звонке трубку брали все, кто успел. Что примечательно, обратно клали трубку далеко не все явные и не явные участники разговора. Так, быстро разлетались новости о рождении детей, изменах, браках, удачных и неудачных сделках. И все это было не так давно, в двадцатом веке.

Социальная жизнь очень важна для исландцев, наверное, это типично для любой провинциальной жизни, но такого как здесь я еще не видела. Когда моя свекровь идет в магазин, она проводит там не меньше двух часов. Столько же времени в день она уделяет разговорам по телефону - уму непостижимо пропустить какую-нибудь новость с фермы в тридцати километров от нашей! Или еще хуже - узнать ее последней!

Печально то, что сейчас молодежь покидает родные фермы, хотя набирает силу и обратный процесс: молодые семьи из городов по специальной программе покупают или берут в аренду опустевшие фермы. А еще европейцы, особенно немцы - покупают, переезжают и начинают работать.

Дедушка наш - потомственный фермер, старший сын. Всей его судьбой, всем его предназначением было стать хозяином фермы. В семнадцать лет его отправили учится в сельскохозяйственный университет, после которого он вернулся на ферму уже не один, а с нашей бабушкой. Бабушка - отдельный разговор, и когда-нибудь я о ней напишу именно отдельно. Она - дочь моряка из Изафьордура.

Сейчас им по семьдесят лет. Они много работают: дед в коровнике, на поле в тракторе и часто ездит в Рейкьявик. Он - один из главных акционеров и состоит в совете директоров самой крупной молочной компании Исландии.

Бабушка на кухне, дома, с внуками, которых сейчас уже тринадцать, а младший сын еще только женится в эти выходные. Наша бабушка - директор музея текстиля Исландии. Музея, который она сама сделала в девяностые: приняла первую коллекцию от одной собирательницы, продолжила её труд, со спонсорской помощью построила здание музея и получила орден "За заслуги пред Отечеством" от президента Исландии.

За свою жизнь они родили пять детей, четыре мальчика и одну девочку: это умные, порядочные, красивые исландцы с индивидуальными личными недостатками и необходимыми наборами неверных решений в жизни. За их второго мальчика я вышла замуж и родила ему двух детей.

Copyright © 2015 by Olga Johannesson 

Saturday, 28 February 2015

in the driver´s seat

As a mother of two - one baby and one toddler -  I am always on the wheels: prams, all sorts of strollers, tricycles, what not, and most often, of course, I am using our car. 
It´s interesting how we get used to the cars - in a way it becomes our second home - a personal space which we keep clean or fill with all sorts of personal indispensable garbage, a small reflection of our home.
Last week I passed a driving test second time in my life and remembered the cars and experiences I had. 

On the photo: one of the rare Reykjavik traffic jams in Buðstaðavegur 
My relationships with an automobile started long ago: I got my first driving license in 2000 but actually started to drive my own car only seven years later.

I cannot remember now for what reason whatsoever I decided I needed a driving license in that hot summer fifteen years ago. Still a student, with no perspective of obtaining a moving vehicle of any type or condition at all, I had absolutely no necessity to start learning to drive a car. And despite all the human logic I entered a driving school in June and started the process.

If my memory does not fail me it was the only driving school in Arkhangelsk at the time (my native city in the North Western Russia). The class comprised about three dozen of men, representing all walks of live and three young women.

They made the school from the remnants of a bankrupt military or paramilitary organisation (I think it was something to do with DOSAAF ) - the transformation scheme so familiar and rather common for the wild Russian nineties. All of those so-to-say "teachers" were retired colonels and majors in their late fifties-sixties with no experience of actually what can be called teaching. They were loud and disrespectful with the male learners, awkward, uneasy and sweaty with us, pretty and young. And to make it more difficult for them it was a hot summer that year.

Anyway, every Tuesday and Thursday, six to nine, we were there - in a stuffy room with high ceilings of a stalin-time building and dark green walls ornamented with with soviet tanks pictures and posters instructing on five slunk positions of a gas-mask. The walls adorned by the occasional white crater of a dry broken paint, our studies crawled with the snail speed under the monotonous voice of the teacher.

The driving classes were, however, the fun in its essence. I am not joking. My driving instructor was a perl, a find which I have been remembering warmly with a smile for already fifteen years. He was one on those retired as well. In contrast to the classroom shabby guys, mostly political (propaganda) commissars in their past, that one had been a pilot. But... he had a peculiarity uncombinable with piloting - the thing was, let me put it mildly, he often found himself "thirsty". On some days more thirsty than on the others, sometimes even so thirsty that it took weeks to quench the thirst. Understandably, that avocation moved him out of the brave pilots´ regiment, consequently, out of  heartbreakers´ cavalry and set him into the driving instructor´s seat.

On quite some occasions I could distinctly smell his last night moral laps in the dilapidated synthetic interior. But what was interesting about him - he talked. He talked nonstop. It was only comparable to the Northern Korean radio (I could only assume) - radio with no music, no commercials - just monotonous talking. For sixty minutes he elaborated on his past, present and his versions of future, he dwelt upon politics, presidents, resurrection of Christ and chicken farms, reincarnation of frogs, of planes, of women. In a way it was amusing. In those days I learned what was a glide-slope track for the rest of my life.

His working horse, his Sleipnir and my first car was a red Lada 3. Once bright and attractive with scarlet lipstick, cheap perm in the hair, lots of makeup and rather gaudy outfit, with all her ostentatious looks aiming at attracting sailors and salesmen. That girl became old, alone and forgotten quite fast and then was picked up by my old drunkard, once a fearless pilot and a heartbreaker. If you think of that, they actually made quite a couple, those two.

Lada by large had problems with her health: coughing and rattling sounds of the engine were the least to worry about. The old broad had a hard steering with no hydraulics which I had to put all my weight to make a timely turn. At my first class I was warned that in case the brakes failed, I had to use the hand brake. The transmission lever worked every other time, which to say no more, fell off completely at the exam. Still I passed it. We passed it. Sometimes I wonder what happened with those two.

Seven years later I bought my first car, a silver Opel Corsa D, and, while expecting it from Germany, called another driving instructor to refresh driving techniques long forgotten by that time.
Sergei was a retired traffic policeman who was unofficially giving driving classes to the needy and then using his contacts in the appropriate institution to help the student to ensure he passed. It required minimum hours of driving and an immoderate gratification.

Having already had driving license I clearly bore no interest for him as a client. Of his interests I cannot say much. I remember the man had a young wife and most of the time he spent of the phone talking to her, continuously questioning her geolocation, where subsequently we would drive to prove her wrong. Apparently the woman was very bad with directions. On some days she would not pick up, and then, after finding some sad rock on the radio in quiet melancholy we would drive to the hardware shop, where he would buy planks of wood, nails, screws, roofing felt and the like. He was building a house.

My Opel became my friend, my company, my girl for the next four years. She was young, honest, hardworking, a bit fancy, compact and fast. I took care of her, she took care of me on all sorts of the roads. In the cold harsh winters she never failed me, starting from half a turn of an ignition key after spending several nights outside in -36C, under the pained watch of the neighbours when their Toyotas and Fords were being taken by the tow-tracks.

Iceland, the country of ice and fire, put me into a dark blue Skoda Octavia station. I mention the colour intentionally as then I was fully sure it was the most boring car colour. I slammed the door and felt my fancy single youth days were over. Quite fast somehow I became a mother of two. In return the car immediately impregnated itself with two baby seats. I cut my hair and filled the wardrobe with colours which hid the traces of burping and dried formula. Suddenly blue did not seem that bad anymore. Again I was in the driver´s seat but on a rather different road - quiet stable middle class life with a big family.

Thinking of that, now I believe this type of a car could have been designed specially for Iceland, an outdoor family country. When we travel with two kids to my in-laws to the North, we take a pram and a stroller, feeding chair, four bags, a suitcase, and a huge pumped gymnastic ball (an indispensable parental item). Packing all that I usually think we would have managed to put a sheep there, provided we had any.

I know I was not perfect driving my Skoda - out of the most outrageous manifestation of stupidity I backed into the pillar at the Rekstravörur - a wholesale warehouse in Reykjavik. And as painful as it was, there was absolutely no necessity to park backwards out of two main reasons: I had never done it before because I could have not been able to (proved myself right though) and I had an intention to buy two huge boxes of stuff and loads of paper towels, which, no doubt, would have been only normal to park the car with an accessible trunk. But no. I pressed gently into the pole, made a dent, broke the paint on the rear bumper and with shaking hands entered the store. It took days, no, weeks to come clean with my husband, but he is a good man.

A month ago I decided to stop my lengthy violation of the Icelandic law and change the driving license. This statement needs an elaboration: as my husband took a woman from an exotic country outside the boarders of EEA, among other disturbances, her driving license was valid only for 90 days. Apparently, something was expected to happen to those people upon the expiry. Blindness?

Anyway, I took it. It was my second driving test fifteen years after the first one. Everything was different. More to say, everything was the opposite: I took it in the shiny white brand new Mercedes Benz C220 with the 250 kilometers of milage. I don´t know whether it was the composed and calm instructor or the horror of hundred thousands of euro scratch that pushed me through it with no mistakes, but let me tell you, thanks to them finally one thing I learnt very well - parking backwards.



Copyright © 2015 by Olga Johannesson 

Saturday, 15 March 2014

"The mountains where you have not been yet..."

One Russian poet, actor, singer and song-writer  asked a question in one of his songs: "What is better than the mountains?" and answered: "The mountains where you haven't been yet". The song being so well-known, the lyrics haven't struck me until now when I actually started to go to the mountains.
Every week I climb one mountain with a group of people in a small icy island in the North Atlantic, the mountain can be small and gentle or high and steep, sometimes we enjoy good weather, but often we are in a blinding blizzard. No matter how different the walks are, the end point is always the same - it is breathtaking, magnificent and worth going.
Walking gives you all the time in the world to go down to your thoughts, here I tried to jot down some of them. On mountains.

on the photo: Kerhólakambur on the 22nd of February 2014

Early Sunday morning is difficult enough: alarm-clock sharply cuts through the consciousness, you open the eyes - the time has come - you are about to be born. Mercilessly. Irreversibly. By that very moment I am dissolved completely in the agonizing empathy of the pure and innate emotion of a new born, halting with all my civilized nature a deep animal howl. Steps are feeble and shaky, sight is impaired by a blinding light of a sudden bathroom light-bulb, cold is wrapping limbs, stomach gets in a knot with a realization of inevitability of the following events; a splash of cold water in the face - there, I am ready to burst out crying, the world has to hear my voice and it suddenly gets easier.
Reviving gulps of coffee evoke the primate memory of a mother´s pacifying breasts - life gradually gets its true colours. Birth is finished, life (a mountain) waits ahead.
(setja te á brúsa og fara á fjöll...)

It is not by chance that I employed a metaphor of life here - to me climbing a mountain is similar to a living a life in a miniature: half of the way you struggle to get up, lose all your strength, leave aspirations behind, forget why you had to do that, get exhausted, and then, before you know, after a small glimpse of joy, you suddenly start to slide over the hill so fast you never believe you had been there. Sounds familiar? Yeah, and it´s called "a mountain".

A mountain itself is a powerful positive concept for many things in our life, primarily something difficult, demanding (whether an experience, relationship, or work) but, eventually, worth going through. The proof to this is numerous poems, songs, quotations, images and metaphors in all creative art, both verbal and non-verbal.

The great book of the mankind utilized this image at best - all the meaningful episodes happen closer to God, therefore, on the mountain. Among those are: The Mount Sinai, where Moses received the gift of Law, the Ten Commandments; Moses and Elijah encounter God on the mountain top in the Old Testament. In the New Testament Jesus appoints His twelve disciples on the mountain, delivers His sermon on Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount, there happen His final discourse and Transfiguration - some of what I remember.
In the Quran mountains are portrayed as stabilizers, as fixers of the earthly life: "Have We not made the earth as a wide expanse, And the mountains as pegs?". And lets not forget the powerful Four Sacred Mountains of Buddhism (Taoism). It is just obvious that such a meaningful and distinct landmark could not simply been overlooked by a man.

The religious connotations of the mountains being so strong, even in the twenties century literature one of my favourite writers - Aldous Huxley - endows mountains with a sacred meaning: "My father considered the walk among the mountains as the equivalent to the churchgoing" - which we all, after all do, together on a good Sunday morning.

Besides divine, there is a lot of earthly and insignificant matters, of course. Like the life itself, a walk up the mountain is overly romanticized, mostly by the highly metaphoric, hence poetic nature of the latter. For many people the attraction components are the ones which comprise the life yet again:

Nature: The only thing you actually watch most of the time is the exact distance between the feet and butt of the person who walks in front of you. The direction of the stare is most often dictated by the weather conditions (unless there´s something specifically interesting to look at): the better the weather the higher the stare is fixed, which also gives a possibility to employ the side vision and actually to see some natural beauties (snow) on a good day. But mostly, as I said, you just look down into the footsteps of the front person.

Fun: Most of the walk is difficult in this or that way: if it´s not the blizzard which gets behind the eyelids and hits the face (must get the seal fat next time I am in the ocean), it can be the path itself - going straight up or sloping abruptly down. There can be a lot of tricky ice under the fresh snow or sharp lava pieces, which heighten the chances of twisting the old joints; it can be small round stones, which primary purpose of being is only to take you downhill with a German motorbahn speed. It can be anything. It can be anything unexpected.

People: As in real life there are people around you - coworkers, neighbours, acquaintances, maybe friends and relatives, all walking with you - same time, same path, same destination. Mostly we walk silently with our thoughts. Once I imagined, what if we were thinking out loud, or if there was a person who could read our thoughts, how soon that person would go crazy? We all carry our burdens with us, everywhere, every time. And we take them with us up the mountain. Exactly as in the real life, most of the time each of us is alone there, and what is more difficult, alone with oneself.

Purpose: Often I was thinking why do we go there? Apart that it is a good physical exercise (still, running on a good day is much nicer, my moderately handsome husband says), it is (at least to me) a rather difficult task to complete every weekend. Edmund Hillary answered: "Because it is there". Gunnlaugur Júlíusson said: "Because I can". Why do we live then? What´s the purpose of life? "42"? No, wait, isn´t it "52" now?

Excitement: If someone thinks that going up the mountain is only about excitement, fun and new impressions, you are as far from the truth as you can be - climbing the mountain, even the smallest mountain is actually hard work with a varying degree of difficulty, but always work. But the result is always rewarding. The harder it takes, the more fulfilling it gets, which makes it an exact illustration to my favourite proverb: "nothing in this life which is worth having comes easy" (remember an analogy with life?).

In this respect a question "why are you climbing the mountains?" is as absurd as "why do you live?" - because it is small life. But unlike the real life, here every time you get to experience a strong feeling of completion, yet another test being passed. And what makes it much more valuable - it is a victory over something so grandeur and impressive, so meaningful and potent in the whole history of the mankind, that it becomes close to a cleansing experience.

And me - a woman from a faraway country - for the last years I have been trying to make peace, if not friends, with this strong, cold and independent Iceland. And every time I take one of your mountains, I get closer to you despite that you seem not to care. After first ten you looked at me with interest, I know. We all carry our lunch in the bag pack and coffee in the flask, we all go up for our different reasons, but on a good Sunday morning we are all united by a small victory, most important on ourselves.

At the end of the day, as William Blake said: "Great things are done when men and mountains meet; This is not done by jostling in the street".

So, it´s life. It hard and wonderful. Suck it up.



Friday, 27 September 2013

An Always Within Never

"Thinking back on it, this evening, with my heart and my stomach all like jelly, I have finally concluded, maybe that´s what life is about: there´s a lot of despair, but also the odd moment of beauty, where time is no longer the same. It´s as if those strains of music created a sort of interlude in time, something suspended, an elsewhere that had come to us, an always within never. 
Yes, that´s it, an always within never." 

(Muriel Barbery "The Elegance of the Hedgehog")


Have you ever stopped completely absorbed by the moment? It could have been anything: a purity of nature, a breathtaking landscape, a stunning sunset, a pale sunrise, a piece of music, a line of a poem, a frailty of a flower, a tenderness of a bird´s singing, anything? As if, in this particular moment, we get the revelation of life, if only we could read through it...

Have you ever been able to almost physically feel the bliss of a perfection, a unity of the nature and a human, a state when everything around you and inside you come together despite the most disturbing circumstances, states, dispositions, griefs, sorrows, concerns - everything gets washed away leaving you cleansed and pure, ready to absorb this momentarily gift of the universe - the gift of being.   



...by its definition to make a day perfect something special should designate a senseless 24-hour existence or even a better definition would suit a chain of desirable events (to cover a 24-hour senseless existence) in such a way so that by the time one is ready to hit the pillow and send oneself into the oblivion one actually feels (for once) accomplishment and a positive attitude which justifies the meaningless dwelling and fulfills unyielding all-human existential Angst (at least until a warm encounter with a cup of coffee, appeasing with the harsh reality of the following morning).

My perfect day started at 5:30 am, with the sun still enjoying the nap, and my own daughter slapping me by my own pillow into my own face. As the weekend morning are primarily my duty to wake up before dawn with our smiling early bird, with the angels still sleeping, I greeted my usual 5 am friend, the devil, who was already dancing in my head, running shivers through my body and with a tender whisper tempting me to run away and join the circus (until it's too late and everyone wakes up).

I took the smiling happy angel out of our bed and let my lucky bastard moderately handsome husband watch his I-am-using-my-laser-to-kill-all-aliens-in-space dreams (I, quite groundlessly and naively, still choose to believe it is only scenario that is running under the warm cuddling blanket in the sweetness of early mornings since his age of fourteen).

At 5:30 am I went out of a warm bedroom into the coldness of an abandoned living room to face the unbearable brightness of being in the five electric lights with the demon of electricity (seriously, what is this thing?) snapped out into the human world by a switch.

And that was still long before God created coffee that day...
Or roosters had finished with the demons for the third time that lonely September morning...

Holding the thought of the roosters, demons and a protective happy baby in the arms I have proceeded to open the balcony door to see... an Eden - a quiet, completely calm, warm September morning - air standing still, motionless; thin salty smell of the ocean layering the gray transparent air, like the jasper seaweed curls gently threading through the solid waters of the ocean; and all was peaceful, still: houses, trees, posts. Grass, roofs, tarmac saturated their colours with the sprinkles of mildew and turned up ever so bright and sharp in the dullness of the air. Beauty.

I packed my angel into the overalls and we went out. We walked to the playground in the complete silence of being. While the little one was quietly exhilarating herself on the swings, tuned into the common mood of the nature and the city around (babies are strangely sensitive to the nature talking), I looked at the damp jade thickness of the shrubs circling the quiet playground and sheltering our bliss. Time stopped. We were in a parallel universe, standing in our quiet transparent world in the middle of the noisy and loud playground, children running, shouting, mothers chatting with an occasional yell for a bully to stop or a toddler's cry after falling on the ground - and at the same time - only me and my daughter, in the silence and tranquility of the damp morning, and a raven cawed harshly three times, flying pass by above our heads, pronouncing our fates, and us, blessed in our ignorance, incapable of knowing...

When we came back home I had my morning coffee. Many things happened through that ordinary September Sunday, none of them would seem obviously special. But the perfection lies in simplicity, and the beauty in the eye of the beholder, doesn´t it?

It is just about a beautiful morning, a smiling baby-daughter, a loyal husband, safe home, and a good coffee. And once, an always within never.


Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson

Friday, 31 May 2013

"Pretty woman walking down the street..."

We live in a world of stereotypes - we are born into it and by that same fact of birth we acquire a predetermined inventory of characteristics. Then having absorbed with the mothers milk the core attributes of femininity or masculinity on a long road of maturity we are becoming more of what the society expects of us: "Aren't you a boy to be whining like a girl?", "You have to be clean and pretty - you are a girl!"

And, gradually, chiseled by everyday judgments we are shaped into what we have to be: pretty, clean, shy, weak, or strong, decisive, rugged and ambitious - you know, sort of blue or pink, skirts or trousers.

As a Russian woman ("pink", "modest", "timid", hmm... "pretty"? , "blushing", "with long hair", "coy" and "shamefaced" (whatever that means) living abroad I want to discuss intercultural gender misunderstandings that I faced being brought up "in a pink-bow-Russian way".
source of photo
In one famous and most revered Russian (Soviet) movies ever, which got most of the all possible prizes abroad - "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" - the plot is banal and as conventional as it can be: three simple girls came to Moscow from the province in search of a better life in the middle of the 60s. The obvious embodiment to a better life was a fortunate marriage which could establish a position of a woman and secure the rest of her life.

Consequently, in a rather archetypal and fairy-tale manner, one gets married to a simple worker, the second in an ongoing search of something better ends up alone having lost her quite a decent husband to alcoholism, and the third, having been knocked up by some ambitious charming scunk, after 15 years turns into a self-sufficient director of a huge and successful plant, sort of a self-made woman - bitter, cold and decisive single mother in well-made Soviet pants, spending her scanty free time with a married lover - quite a widely-spread and accomplished image these days.

The movie touches upon many issues (if you come across a version with English subtitles - as a winner of a Golden Bear in Berlin 1980 and an Oscar in 1981, it should most certainly exist in  English - I implore you - watch!), the main being the fate of a woman in a society.  

None of these women is happy without a man, the successful one being utterly unhappiest of all three. Envied by many, she confides into her friends: "Just don't tell your sons that when you get everything in life, the only thing you feel like doing is to howl as a lonely wolf" (- Только ты пока ребятам не рассказывай, что как раз когда всего добъешься в жизни, больше всего волком завыть хочется"). 

Until (of course - this movie got an Oscar) she meets the real man - sort of a Soviet Mr. Big - who sets the priorities right - "And by that remember: from now on, everyday, everything is decided only by me. With one simple reasoning that I am a man". (- А заодно запомни, что всё и всегда я буду решать сам. На том простом основании, что я - мужчина").

And what happens with that forty-year-old woman, the head of an enormous industrial enterprise in Moscow, the strong woman in man's pants? She weeps with happiness - I am not joking!

In a society like Russian, despite all the hard work of Clara Zetkin and Rosa Luxemburg, life, still in many respects, is organized around good old Domostroi (a 16th century book or a code of a patriarchal rules of family life), of course, changed and adopted by the compliments of the XXI century. But a woman - in a notion of a woman - is supposed to be pretty, skinny, well-dressed, high-heeled, red-lipsticked, long-and-polish-nailed, educated (preferably, but not to use it), smart (optionally), good cook, good mother, good friend, good (inventive) lover, strong, fit, and by all that - stand by the side of a man. Just a man. With no attribute.

All that, no doubt, made a Russian woman a proverbial model wife all over the world with no obvious realization and acknowledgment from her side. Because we are brought up this way, we find nothing special in being a woman.

When my moderately handsome boyfriend, back then, was visiting me in Russia, I found it so rude that even stopped speaking to him for 30 minutes or so, after he left the bus ahead of me without offering me a hand. Then, this uncultured (so I thought) schmuck went through every door in a city first, never waited for me to take my place in a taxi, never offered (of course I would have declined gracefully, but still) pay a bill in a coffee shop. Never. never, never. So that eventually my inner lady-in-pink felt so cheap and neglected that I even considered an immediate break up.

Now it seems like charming memories from the past. But still the difference exists. We are, in our personal imaginative way, princesses in an ebony tower waiting for our knight in a shining armor (preferably on a white horse, produced in Germany). Even if we never admit it.  

And we let them think we are a bit stupid, naive and weak because...
we are not.


Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson

Thursday, 9 May 2013

On the Victory Day: Iceland which helped us live

If I were to write something, anything about war what would it be? What do we, people, born and brought up as remote from war as possible know about it? Movies, photographs, stories, chronicles, memoirs can give a general picture, but hardly any real understanding, any realization of the proportions of every human's tragedy involved. 

War is not only about heroism and deaths on the battlefield, it's just as well about a life of a child born in the hot summer of 1941, it's about the whole life of a mother who lost her toddler in the bombed train, it's about every day of a wife who is waiting for her husband, of a mother who still hopes for her son to return, waiting through deaths of children and hunger. 


Year after year somehow I find more and more details about the World War II. Having moved to Iceland,  I discovered Hvalfjörður - a birthplace for at least ten Arctic convoys, seven from which ended in my native city of Arkhangelsk between 1941-1942, bringing food and supplies, giving hope and saving our lives. 
on the photo - the most famous and tragic Arctic convoy PQ-17 is being assembled in Hvalförður

It's a Victory Day in Russia today - on the 8th of May, 1941, the World War II officially ended, as Field-Marshal Keitel signed Wehrmacht capitulation papers in Berlin. Interestingly, due to the time difference, it was already the 9th of May in Moscow, since then we keep this date to remember.

World War II is a huge historical field in terms of topics, actions, direction, events, places, people, etc. Arctic convoys is one of them, undoubtedly, influential for the whole course of events. More importantly for me, as it has always been tightly connected with my native city, and now as I have found out, with my new homeland. 

A lot has been researched and written about Arctic convoys, but just to make a small picture:  in the period between August 1941 to May 1945 there were 78 convoys, sailing from the United Kingdom, Iceland and North America to the two most northern ports of the Soviet Union: Arkhangelsk and Murmansk. 

Let respected historians forgive me for the small possible inaccuracies, but as far as most of sources state in 1941-1942 fourteen convoys started from Iceland: ten from Hvalfjörður and four from Reykjavík. Seven out of ten coming out from Hvalfjörður ended in Arkhangelsk. The importance of them is difficult to underestimate: a complete new vein brought blood to the dying, exhausted heart of the country, reviving the huge organism for the victorious fight. The great value of the convoys was not only in terms of supplies or food, but in terms of hope - suddenly the victory seemed closer, possible, soon.

Every year Arkhangelsk becomes a meeting place for those who survived, sadly, less and less of them with every year. Every year we, children, were in the streets to look at those old dignified foreigners, who seemed strangely alike our grandfathers, walking side by side with them; every year, we, students of the language department, were volunteering with translation; every year, marveling at their courage, theirs and our grandfathers´ feat, which gave us possibility to live. We grew up with the knowledge of the convoys, but somehow to my shame Iceland literally has never ranged the ship bell in our heads.

Last year a couple of my very good friends were visiting Iceland. On the road from Borgarnes, approaching the tunnel, my friend asked about convoys. The answer of my moderately handsome husband took me by surprise as he mentioned Hvalfjörður which we were passing by at that moment. How come this peaceful, most breathtakingly beautiful place on Earth was involved in the war. How come there is a direct link between this place and my home. How come the lives of my parents, my life and the lives of my children depended on this particular part of the world. How come I didn't know...

The war, the end of which Russia celebrates today, is exceptionally multifaceted and manifold. There's hardly a person in Russia who has never been touched by it. And it still echoes to us - through the other times, through the other places.

At this moment I want to thank Icelanders who helped us live.

beautiful and peaceful Hvalfjörður almost 70 years later
source of photo



Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Christ has risen!

On the holy day of the Orthodox Easter, Sunday, 5 May, indeed as the situation required, I thought of God. Then I thought of the seventy years of the soviet times when the Mighty Position had been secured by Vladimir Lenin with a twenty-year interim intermission of the ever more almighty, loving and punishing - Stalin.
Thinking back into the history, Russians have always had an extremely grievous and hard relationship with God, which, combined with the inherent mysticism and fatalism as parts of the national character, engraved religious traits even on the all-negating stoned stance of the atheists. 
 


In the Orthodox religious tradition the icons - the depictions of God and the saints - were present in every house. According to the rule they were positioned in the so-called "red corner"  ("red" in the old Russian language meaning "beautiful", "honorary" - c.f. the Red Square). The icons were supposed to be in the Eastern corner of the house, as praying, sending our thoughts and talking to God we face the appearance of the sun and, thus, symbolically greet the Advent.

In the Soviet years religion becomes quite a dangerous puppet in the hands of the master - just think what a believer may do for the God. Some clever man, unfortunately the history keeps his name a secret, offered - no, no, not just to abolish God - that would be impossible for the country where religion was so tightly intertwined with the everyday life - but to replace Him. And who comes into the picture?

The decision was exceptionally smart and worked for many decades. Even the honorary red corner was kept to fit yet another deity.

The portraits of Lenin were adorning the walls of every institution, every establishment, every official room, on a frequent occasion enforced by the bronze or gypsum busts, the honest and strong look coming from the different sizes. The Bible, the Testaments and the Gospels were banned, instead we were given the Stories of Lenin - now I cannot tell what part of truth was there, but looking back I realize how much of a hagiography or menology (the lives of the saints) it reminded of and certainly served the purpose well. There was even a children's version of the Acts with pictures - just like Noah's Arch story.

Interestingly, the religious rituals were still kept going - we baptized children, painted eggs for Easter. But the pure religious meaning of them was a bit tarnished - baptism, for example, started to bear more of a pagan belief of the holy water protecting a child from the illnesses. Still, most of the children were baptized - secretly, at home, by an isolated priest. Consequently, we even had a mummified deity (whose remains are still by the way kept uncommitted to earth in the Red Square, the spirit haunting economy and politics - so far the only obvious, undeniable, unquestionable explanation of the ongoing Russian misfortunes), a religious doctrine - a successful mold of communism and spiritism, a set of rituals - books, learnings, common meetings, portraits -"icons", in other words, even when we didn't have it, we had it all.

Nowadays, the busts are on the dump, the pictures faded in the cellars. With the life so cruel and grim, fiercely grinding people by its millstones, people are seeking for the alleviation and looking for God once again...

In Russia on the holy day of Easter we greet each other with the traditional words: "Christ has risen!" and for many He has finally risen indeed.




Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson

Saturday, 13 April 2013

One girl, one island

"The greatest is best seen from the distance" - once and quite rightly a famous Russian poet said. Last week my very good friend from quite distanced Russia was visiting Iceland for the first time in her life. Being quite an experienced traveler and having seen most of Europe and beyond, she shared her thoughts and impressions about Iceland before and after. 

...most of all I was impressed by the nature - unique, virgin, untouched and severe. I have seen Gullfoss, Geysir, all the touristic routes, I was hiking in the mountains, but the most beautifully striking place for me became Reykjanesviti. I never thought there are places so completely remote and secluded in this world, where one simply unites with the nature.

...in Russia we deprive ourselves of many things, including a simple smile. Icelanders struck me as very friendly nation, in a narrow street a complete strangers will greet you.

...people take pride that they are Icelanders. The country itself has a rather limited history compared to Russia or other big European nations; it had less than a million of population in all its history, and, nonetheless, Icelanders take pride in the smallest detail, which could easily have been left unnoticed. People take pride in the place they were born.

...the thing which struck me most was that this is a society which is fundamentally different not only from Russians, but more or less from the Europeans in general. This is a small society, everyone knows each other, the telephone book is organized by the first names, and they treat each other as one big family, where everyone is a relative - and they actually are. Even the language, as we know, reflecting the realities of life, devised a word, which defines male relatives frændi and female relatives frænka, not to go into detail of cousins, nephews, nieces, uncles and so on - it is just one family.

...I have to mention the language and the concept of Linguistic Purism in Iceland. Many countries have the policy of preserving their language, but in Iceland they have special list of the Icelandic names, which you can name a child, anything else has to be approved by a special linguistic committee. Once again, they value their heritage and identity.

...and everyone speaks English. France, for example, has the policy of protecting the language as well, they also create French equivalents for the new words. At that people learn and speak English very reluctantly. Icelanders are not afraid to go beyond - to enter globalization and keep their national identity.

...I was also surprised by rather high social standards of living in Iceland. Maybe because we have a stereotype of  well-off Norway and hardly expect anything of a small nation in the North Atlantic.

...feminism is obviously not a bad issue, especially in Iceland. In Russia a man considers it beyond his self-esteem to help the woman with cooking and with a baby. Probably it is not even the fault of men, as women themselves consider proper to work, make career, and take care of the family, children, cooking and a husband. A man has to work and make money, a woman stays at home. It was very surprising to see otherwise.

...the same as the baby in the family: in Russia when a child is born a mother falls out of life for 2-3 years completely: no parties, no friends, no travel. Here life just goes on and the quality of life doesn't change much.

...the concept of Icelandic family with many marriages, all kinds of spouses, kids from all sides is another point of astonishment - it is so far out of the Russian culture. We are more traditional - of course infidelity happens and rather often these days, but men very rarely leave families. The ones which do keep hardly any contact with their children.

...Reykjavik struck me as having rather plain architecture - simple and unsophisticated. Reykjavik can not be compared with French, Italian or most of European cities, where "every stone breathes history", or even with St. Petersburg, where every house is an architectural masterpiece. Here houses are simple, plain, primitive and functional. But it goes together with the nature: severe, minimalistic, plain.

...my perception of the museums is defined by the Russian museums - you have to spend days in the Tretyakov Gallery, weeks in the Hermitage. Once again we are so proud we have so much to show, that we drown foreigners in our culture. Here, the National Museum of Iceland is fascinating in combination of simplicity, functionality, importance and interest it arises and the questions it answers. The paradox is - there's no La Gioconda in Þjóðminjsafn, but still it is the one of most interesting museums I have ever visited.     

...Russians know very little about Iceland. Of course it depends on the education but in general many people hardly make any difference between Iceland, Ireland or Greenland. Of course, they realise these are completely different countries, but in conceptual understanding "it is all somewhere there". The stereotypes include: volcano in 2010, snow and Bjork - her last name is not possible to pronounce even by people with the linguistic education. The older generation know Reykjavik as the meeting place of Gorbachev and Reagan.

...Icelanders are very active. There's a lot to do: hiking, swimming, horse-riding, music, skiing, even dancing tango. One of the paradoxes for me was that skating rinks are indoor, swimming pools are outdoor. This is shocking to me, but when I mentioned this to Icelanders, they were completely surprised, explaining that it would be too cold to skate outside.

...Icelanders take life easy and it is shown in everything. Hiking in the mountains may be quite a dangerous thing but people just go. Children are not over-treated with medicine, massages and over-care and running naked in frost and wind in the outdoor swimming-pools. Museums are not overloaded with information, but simply showing the life itself. And I can go on with many examples.

...to me Iceland is a country where Scandinavian minimalism and functionality genuinely combine with breathtaking severe beauty of the nature, easy-going and warm attitudes of Icelanders and all these make it truly unique land, a small polished piece of lava - a beautiful gem of the North Atlantic.


My dear friend went back to Russia leaving me alone with the thoughts of gratitude for this unique opportunity of being able to live in both countries, share both cultures, enjoy both worlds the difference of which is so sharply defined by the distance.



Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Magnificent. Depressing. Ugly. Most Beautiful - all rolled into one

Yesterday a two-minute reference to the social situation in Greenland in a Danish popular series pushed me into thinking about the present-day Russia.

In the above-mentioned episode a Danish Prime Minister was visiting Greenland following a US-influenced internal conflict. After some emotional conversations Greenlandic Premier took the representative of a dominion oppressor to face the evidence of the indelible political wrongs accumulated by centuries by meeting Greenlanders. On the background of the benumbed and frosted graveyard stubbed by numerous white impersonal crosses on the most breathtaking landscape of snowy and mountainous Greenland, the following conversation evolved:

"Our biggest problem that we are going to die out as people. The birth rate is dropping. Our young people leave Greenland. But the worst thing is skyrocketing suicide rate - all the young men are killing themselves."

"What have you done about it?"

"We have tried almost everything: suicide hotlines, psychologists, anti-depressants, but it's just getting worse. 20% of Greenlandic youths have tried to commit suicide. It's a tragic world record." 

"Why is this, do you think?" 

"Suicide have always been a part of our culture. People threw themselves off a mountain, which was called "the place where you fall down". But they were old people who had become a burden to their families. Back then a suicide was an act of pride. Maybe our young commit suicide because they take pride in nothing. Why do Greenlanders drink? Why our children are abused? People have forgotten who they are." 

Right there, thunderstruck by these words my mind instantaneously beamed out a parallel to the realities of my life:

In Russia, the turbulent 90s swept away seventy years of stability and unyielding routines with the last decades of pure stagnation. If we think of the country and political decisions in terms of its people, one can easily imagine what a personal catastrophe of enormous proportions almost everyone was undergoing: my grandmother, my parents, we, children at that time, who could not understand why mother was taking heart drops and father was lying in bed for days.

Now my grandmother warmly remembers the hardest years of her life, which include no less than famine, war and the death of children. My parents, as well as the whole generation at the time being in their forties, have never really adapted and recovered in their new life. As a child I spent all my free time outside, running and playing in the streets of a big city, nowadays very few parents will let their children or even teenagers out alone after six.

The birth and death rates have just broke even in 2012 after plummeting down for years, the average life expectancy is 67 years: 76 for women and 63 for men. Almost world's lowest population growth. Almost all of my students left to the capitals or abroad after their graduation. "But the worst is the skyrocketing suicide rate - the young people are killing themselves" - just to rephrase the Greenlandic fictional character's grave words. I am not mentioning alcoholism, drugs and abuse just to keep a live analogy.

The change as rapid and fast could not fail to provoke fatal repercussions, damaging the whole generation, which could not withstand its magnitude and force, irreversibly changing the future of once a great country. Therefore, we are where we are: old values have been washed away, the new valor impositus and freedoms have grown as mutants. Hence, drugs, drinking, abuse, mortality, suicides, in other words: "we take pride in nothing, we have forgotten who we are".

As I was watching the episode on, the hope glimpsed for a short moment:

"I have a plan for my country. If I am to succeed, we must give our people back their self-respect. I want suicide rate to drop. Let Greenlanders have a say in the major issues." 

"Political security matters and foreign affairs?"

"But you cannot let us, can you?"... 

...

When the Danish PM returned home, she talked to her husband:

"How was Greenland?" 

"It was magnificent. It was depressing  Ugly. I think it's the most beautiful place I have ever seen. All rolled into one." 

And within that brief moment I realised - that's exactly how I feel about my country: Magnificent. Depressing. Ugly. Most Beautiful - all rolled into one.


Saturday, 16 March 2013

What doesn´t kill you makes you stronger?

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - persistently was persuading me Kelly Clarkson, as I was trying to mutilate myself on a treadmill, finding pain in the parts of the body which were dormant for most of my life and feeling aching organs that I had no idea existed in my body before.

Being half-conscious, to divert my mind from the pain purely out of survival precaution, I started thinking if is that really so - do we really need pain to grow? Does a person, who is blessed by a peaceful and quiet life, undisturbed by any sorts of turbulence, come up as an physical, emotional, spiritual cripple? And to follow the other extreme: going to the hell and back creates, basically, a superman? (oh, sorry, I meant a superwoman).

What happens if one doesn't get enough pain through life? Lets say, there's a moderately happily married life with 10 years on the back and two kids on the front. Then, one day there comes a realisation that the chest starts sliding down and actively forming a paunch, social networking becomes the most exciting thing, beer and caffeine have replaced water, in general - things have got out of control.

And there it starts - subconsciously,  persistently,  methodically we start to generate our own suffrage to get out of the couch and back on a horse: to be emotionally fit one gets an unobtainable love object - the wife of a neighbour will do, a colleague with its regularity of meetings is even better. After all the person doesn't matter - it is just is to train emotions, as Robbie Williams was confiding into my ears: "just want to feel real love, feel the home that I live in".  Next step is to ruin the family, get a divorce, see kids once a month, live alone and start looking for the meaning of life - all of these  to be spiritually fit and growing even further.

But what if we stay motionless in your moderately happily life? We stop being interesting to people - the absence of drama makes us lose colours and mimicry with the life itself. The most interesting people, writers, artists, politicians, actors, even "that nephew of the guy who lives next door", are the people with the wretched life and an ongoing crisis.

And we still think we are going for pleasure? That's our eternal shallow delusion, a trick formed by our refined inventive artful psyche, which wraps a bitter pill into the sweetness of a minute pleasure. "Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure" - floated the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald somewhere in my already half-conscious mind.

By following our unnecessary immediate wishes, overindulging in foods, sweets, tastes, with all sorts of social infidelities, we are methodically paving the way to our own abyss, so that later we would have a chance to apply all our strengths to get out of and become stronger, fitter, smarter. Or drown and die.

So, stating the obvious for everyone but me, I came to a conclusion, which helped me to finish those last minutes on the treadmill - that we need regular injections of pain, leading to suffrage, produced by our internal striving for crises. "Everything in moderation" - refrained Ancient Greeks in my head to beautiful Kelly, and I decided that was enough for the day.  

The song ended, treadmill stopped, I took out the earphones, and with a feeling of standing on the way to perfection, went home thinking about mundane things as what to cook for dinner for my moderately handsome husband who was babysitting our inquisitive beautiful baby-daughter, secretly thanking Providence for all that boring uneventful life that I was blessed with, hoping I was done with my pains at least till my next gym.


Copyright © 2013 by Olga Johannesson